Sunday 10 May 2015

The Truth: My experience of Colonic Hydrotherapy / Colonic Irrigation

I'm not sure how this post will go down, but since I booked into this treatment lots of people have been asking me (on the down low) how it was, what the procedure was actually like and confessed it was something they were keen to have, or had often wondered about but are too nervous to actually do. 

So, here it is, my opinion and experience of having Colonic Hydrotherapy. Am I slightly embarrassed to be talking about this? Yes! But, we're all big enough and ugly enough to know it happens and there are actual benefits to it, so let's skip all the bullshit and I'll tell you all about it. 

Before I get into the what and where though, let me tell you a bit about the benefits, as that's the reason to get something done right? That's why you're all secretly considering it and were encouraged to read this post. The benefits, (according to my therapist) are:

a) healthy hair and nails, the water and cleansing is apparently rejuvenating to these in particular, so if you have weak nails, or damaged hair - who knows, this may help.

b) solves bloating, by giving you a good old clear out you will leave with a flatter stomach than you went in with.

c) clears the complexion, by helping you get rid of all the bad toxins in your body that cause spots along with other temporary issues.

d) clears out any blockages for people that need it, and is a great 'fixer' for many things that people may feel they need to go to the doctors all know what I mean by this.

Still interested? If so read on, I talk further on about the procedure (as I experienced) and the effects it had on me during and after! 

Firstly, I decided to give the treatment a go as it was something, like you guys, that I was intrigued by and I came across an offer from Wahanda, which was offering the treatment for £39 instead of the £79 it usually was. Now for me, £79 is a lot of money to have to spend, especially if you don't know if you'll like it or not, so I read up on the place as well as a whole host of reviews, ultimately deciding to take advantage of the offer and book myself in. I had to wait a few weeks before my appointment and I'd confided in a few friends that I was having this done, expecting everyone to laugh and make the obvious crap jokes, but they didn't. Instead everyone was pretty intrigued as to what it would involve and one friend even asked if she could come along - although I think she was joking.

The clinic asked me to arrive 15mins early as it was my first time and I needed to fill out a form which tells them a bit about you and your eating habits, diet, lifestyle, etc. Once you've filled it in, you have to read the leaflet that explains a bit about the procedure, what will happen and pretty much spells out that this won't be a pleasant experience, but nor will it be unpleasant. 

Once you've done your form and read the leaflet, you go into the room and strip from the waist down and get into the massage bed, covering yourself with a towel. In Wahanda they specified I needed to lay on my left side as that was where the machine was situated. The therapist comes in and explains the whole procedure again, showing you as she gets out a new kit, connects the pipes etc and then shows you the tip that will be inserted up your bum. For those of you who want to know (and I know you do), it looks like a skinny willy, which she covers with KY jelly and inserts slowly. So don't worry too much, it's not some big awkward contraption, more like a really little prick, so it's up to you to decide whether this is something you can go through with or not. 

Once it's in, you lay on your back and the therapist starts to turn on the tap to release the water. The water that is to be flushed through your system is drinking quality that's heated to body temperature so that it doesn't feel cold or anything. Not going to lie, I was expecting to feel the water swooshing around inside me, but actually I didn't. All I felt was a dull vibration as the water is sent up the intestine; in retrospect I suppose it's silly to think you'd actually feel the water itself lose in your system. 

Before I go onto the next bit, I want to tell you about the 'effects' the colon hydrotherapy or colonic as it's more commonly known, will have on you as you're all hooked up to the machine:

a) bloating, your stomach will literally bloat out like a balloon, but this is expected as you are filling yourself up with water;

b) like you need to go to the toilet, but obviously you can't get up and go, it will pass (in every sense of the word) but when you feel like you really, really need to go and can't wait another second or you'll burst, you need to tell your therapist and she'll turn off the machine and 'release' you so you can go. FYI once the machine is out - it isn't going back in, so hold out for as long as you can because it's passing through you anyway. Whatever you do though DO NOT PUSH!

c) bad cramping, I'm talking cramping that makes you want to hold your tummy, rub it and sob quietly, but this is apparently normal and again it stops when the water is released - trust me, it's temporary.

Also please remember these were symptoms that the leaflet prepared me for, and this is just my experience of them. My body is different from everyone else's, so you may have mild cramps, you may feel only a twinge, or you may be like me. Sometimes though, these things just need to be sucked up, or flushed out (sorry, but the puns are pretty free flowing right now!)

There is a dial on the machine you're connected up to which gives a reading of the pressure inside you, it's a way for the therapist (who is in the room with you the whole time FYI) to judge when to turn off the valve/tap and let the water drain out, before turning it back on and starting again. You are also in charge though, and I think this is a really important point to stress. If at any point you start to feel the need to 'push' you need to tell your therapist and she'll turn off the valve, the last thing you want to do is push because you'll actually push this little penis device out and then you will literally be in the shit! 

Other than that, it's important to be aware of how you feel as you do need to be in control of your body and help guide your therapist. Personally I had very little space in my stomach/intestines and my therapist said I was really full of air which meant I felt full to burst quicker than others likely would, and had to ask her to turn the valves off several times. When she asked me if I could do one last one, I said no because I felt I (overshare) really needed the loo and by then the cramps were really uncomfortable. 

For those of you who want to know the gore, unfortunately I can't share, The way the machine was hooked up, and lying on my back meant I couldn't actually see anything. Now, this may differ from place to place, but yeah, I didn't see anything so I have no idea what was coming out of me. I looked, I'll admit that curiosity got the better of me, but nope, nada!

After I was unplugged I went to the bathroom and what happens in that bathroom will be between you and those walls. I can't speak for other people and I guess it depends how old you are, what state your insides are in, whether you have any internal problems etc but you can expect a lot of water and perhaps some other bits depending. You may have only water because everything came out in the colonic. 

Now it's the straight forward bit. I got dressed and headed out to the main area where the lady went and made me a cup of tea - herbal tea, with probiotic properties - nothing with milk and nothing heavy. I was told to drink it and then I may need the loo again before I leave. They've obviously done this a million times so know the score, I did, I then chatted to my therapist a bit more about options. 

She told me that many women get addicted to getting colonics and that you can have them about once a month, safely. They aren't harmful to the body, but they do remove the stomach of its healthy probiotics, so you are encouraged to get some inside you in the next 24hours and stay off the alcohol, spicy or heavy foods and avoid caffeine! She didn't mention any side affects whatsoever and I left happy and rubbing my tummy which was still a little bit sore and crampy but nothing really to note. 

I headed home on the tube - not going to lie, I was hoping that the tea had gone through me like she said because you never know and nobody wants one of 'those' experiences' but it was all fine. I did notice I was really hungry though. She hadn't said anything to me, but I was really hungry, like ravenous hungry, so I came home and cooked myself a healthy dinner, had a peppermint tea and went to bed.

The next day I noticed I continually experienced really bad cramps. Cramps that make you grab your side to push hard and release the pressure - kind of a mix between cramp and stitch, you know when you have to hold it just to be able to standup straight. I kept thinking they had passed but then PANG, they would be back, teasing me. By the time I got home that eve I was a bit unsure what to make of it, but told myself to go to sleep and if it still hurt in the morning I would phone the docs, or phone back the therapist for some advice, but luckily they had all gone and I've been all good since. 

Phew, that was a long ass post, but, hopefully for those of you interested and considering if it's something you want to part with money for, you found it informative and it's helped you make up your mind. Also, if you're keen to know, there was one girl who came out of a session as I was going in, and another two waiting when I came out, so clearly colonic hydrotherapy is pretty common, it may just be some people don't wanna talk about it. 

For me, even though I had cramps the next day, I feel better overall. The therapist was right that I was really bloated and had lots of air in my tummy and now, even though its days later, I feel fine. I also think because I had to cut the session short as a result of the above that I will go back again, not in a month but more like in six as I do think there is merit in them, but how much is actually visible is obviously going to be subjective. But yeah, despite the cramping, I would go again and maybe I wouldn't have any the next time, maybe I would, I just know I'm willing and keen to give it another go. 

If anyone wants any more info then do drop me an email - totally get this is not something you'll want to comment on! 


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