Sunday 22 November 2015

What Feeling Sexy Means For Me

When it comes to feeling sexy, the most important thing is to feel sexy for you - you can't rely on other people to turn you on or off, you need to be able to do that for yourself. But for the record, I'm not actually talking about sex here, I'm talking about feeling confident in what yo mamma gave ya, working out what makes you tick and remembering that feeling of empowerment to feel good about yourself. 

If I asked everyone in my friendship group, work, or even the whole of the UK, I bet, aside from the obvious pop-culture responses, most people would have very different opinions about what feeling sexy meant to them. 

Granted there is only a finite amount of scenarios when it comes to these things, and I expect most people feel sexy when they've made an effort for a night out, or for a date, or after they've had a drink for dutch courage etc, but what about the 'why'? If those things make you feel sexy for you, and not someone else, what is it about them that triggers that feeling?

I got thinking about this whilst I was working out recently. Aside from the fact I was a hot mess, sweat pouring off me and hair up in an unattractive manner - I couldn't help but feel sexy. Weird huh?! But when I thought about it, I felt sexy because I was achieving. Out on my own, running and lifting, listening to my fave music and sweating - that's what makes me feel sexy! 

Granted, it's a not actually an attractive look, and I certainly wouldn't go back and pounce on Dan, not just because its unlikely he would find that look sexy, but because it wasn't about Dan or others finding me sexy, it was about me having the self-confidence to feel sexy in my own skin. 

Generally, I would say I feel sexy in sports kit. I've got an athletic physique, and certain kit does complement the contours of your body, but now I realise that's not all. Drilling down into why I feel sexy in sports kit, isn't a visual thing, it's actually not because it looks good on me, or shows off my body or anything like that, it's because for me; my tattered old t-shirt and shorts represent a personal achievement and success built up over a period of time - it's the accomplishment that makes me feel sexy! 

Now ultimately yes, you feel sexy and good about yourself and then you start thinking about how others see you, if you are able to catch someones eye etc, but trust me, there are tons of reasons why it's important to feel sexy for yourself before considering other people. Firstly, in order to feel sexy for a partner, it requires consideration of another, thus taking the onus away from you straight away; you wear a certain outfit because you know they like it; style your hair in a certain way, or perhaps it's all in how you act, and you get the sexy 'high' when they see you, comment on how you look, or perhaps it's much more subtle than that; but not until they give you that, do you feel the validation you think you deserve for making yourself look/act this way. 

On the flip side, when you're doing it just for you, it's private and much more intimate. You wear sexiness when its for yourself in a much more sincere manner than you do when it's for other people, and you need no validation from anyone else. That's because feeling sexy for you is linked to your own self-confidence. You can't feel sexy if you don't feel empowered in some way, and you can't feel empowered if you don't believe in yourself. Now you may feel like you're lacking in self confidence overall, but that is such an unfair generalisation - there will be one thing at least that you can excel at and makes you feel good about yourself. Whether you're a good painter, whether you can transform a room with ease, whether you can cook a delicious meal or smash work targets or fitness goals; whatever it is, there is something inside of everyone and when you get that 'yes' moment that makes you smile inwardly to yourself, that sense of pride from achieving; that my friend is you feeling sexy, just for you! 

This is why pulling on my sports bra and lacing up my trainers is my way of feeling sexy for myself; it's something I am in control of, where I am only accountable to myself, and once complete, I ride high off those endorphins for the next few hours. 

So, there it is; for me, feeling sexy means achieving something fitness related for myself that nobody else has a hand in, and probably nobody else can relate to in the same way, as all achievements are personal, and to me - that is what feeling sexy for me means. 


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