Firstly, I just want to say to anyone else in this position, you are not alone in feeling like you don't have your shit together, or that something feels a bit 'off'. Sometimes spanners are thrown into the works that make you question everything and have your world spinning on an axis, but that's OK! It's actually all OK, and the more you open your eyes, the more you'll see you are not alone, you may actually be in the majority. Loads of people seem to be reassessing their current life status right now, and it may be that I'm seeing it everywhere as a lot of friends and colleagues are on the precipice of deciding some huge, life changing decisions; 'should we buy a house, get married, have a baby, get a puppy, change job, break up, pack it all in' and go travelling?' The list is endless and even though some of these decisions have totally different outcomes, I think everyone is just as scared as each other!
Mine is more about what I'm putting out into the world, and how I'm portraying myself right now. I looked in the mirror the other day and realised I was wearing a top that probably cost £7.99 from H&M about ten years ago and I swear it was one of those epiphany moments. It was like I was still thinking I was the same person I was many moons ago, that I hadn't changed mentally, physically and everything else in between. So I stood there in this very average and completely outworn top and decided that it had to go! It didn't feel like me at all anymore.
That then threw me into a whole world of doubt about what to do when I had thrown the top in the bin though, that meant my often weekly recycling of clothes would need to be added to (one of the downsides to working in marketing is that you do often wear the same clothes for work and social, so everything has a very regular cycle), and that meant I had to go shopping. Now I haven't actually been shopping since Christmas, that may come as a shock to many, but I bet I'm not alone when I say I just didn't know what to go round the shops looking for, so had just stayed away. I'd got comfortable in my old clothes, but like I say, now it was time for new ones. Out with the old and in with the new.
So off to the shops, and logging onto online I go, filling both physical and virtual baskets full of stuff, only to get to the check out / fitting room and realise that what I thought suited me, didn't at all. It's definitely time to mix it up and get back in tune with matching my clothes to my personality. It's quite a daunting task though, so I've started with the basics and I'm going to work my way up from there. A new pair of trainers, a new pair of jeans, and a bright jacket are where I've started. All bits that I can mix and match and will hopefully get me out of this rut I've found myself in.
I've also booked myself in for a hair cut, it's like I blinked and all of a sudden it's grown way too long and the curls are just not giving me that bounce back, and after eight months since my last cut, it's time to get a chop!
I guess my mid life crisis is more about me getting back a good relationship with myself. Maybe I just feel like I've been a bit neglectful, in terms of my style and my appearance, and it feels fun, but a bit daunting to be on the journey of self discovery, to find out what works for me and what doesn't, and what things I previously took for granted now need to be considered.
It expands beyond what I'm wearing and how I'm dressing too, that's all part of the self I'm portraying yes, and I already feel like I know my own mind well, but I also want to spend more time getting my blog into good shape. I feel I've been a bit neglectful lately, for various reasons and that I need to start reconsidering some of the content I'm putting out there, and how I'm putting it out there. If anything it's all part of me, and how I want the world to see me. I feel like a couple of my last posts have been about me starting down this journey of self discover without even realising it, and now I have, maybe things will start clicking into place and I'll get back on track. If not, hopefully I'll have a couple of good stories to tell!
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